finding myself in love

The year was 2003. I was wearing denim capri pants and a maroon tank top. My hair was crunchy with excess product. My makeup disguised the natural beauty beneath it. My hands were sweating. My heart was thumping. I was about to go on my first date.

Ten years later. 

The boy that picked me up at 7:30 for dinner and a movie is the man I share my dreams with. Sure, there were bumps in the road - a long distance relationship spanning nearly nine years. Two people focusing on their own career and aspirations. Two individuals finding themselves in this chaotic world of pressures and what ifs and confidence busters. But somehow the searching for our own identities led us to a place of peace. with ourselves. with each other. with our relationship. 

For nearly nine years, it required two flights or a roadtrip to see my love.  Yet, we weren't making an effort to close the mileage gap. We needed to find our own voice. It was during those nine years that I came to understand my priorities. I gave color to my own dreams. I saw a world beyond the constraints of a small town. I made a lot of mistakes. I lived on my own. I struggled. And I started to work towards filling the me shaped hole in this world. 

There was a lot of questioning, of course. of myself. of my significant other. of my universal call. But with that questioning came a sense of calm. of trust in the unknown. When both C and I were truly at peace with ourselves, we were able to strengthen our relationship with each other. 

During the years of reflective awareness and improvement, I realized that I am not spontaneous. I love a good routine. and thrift shop. and hole in the wall restaurant. I find joy in quiet moments. I will do anything for the people I love. Music speaks to me. I want to make a difference. I want to be creative. I value great design. I can't wait to have babies. And perhaps most importantly, I just want to grow old with C. 

Ten years ago, both of us began a journey of hide and seek. of search and rescue. of struggle and joy. of finding ourselves and falling deeper in love. xo, Ashley